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Epic Dating Fail Volume 1

18 Aug

singleThis literary Goddess is the most inept person at dating that has ever walked the face of the earth. While I often don’t share my many social quirks with the perspective men that I’m going to go out with, there are times I feel I should. Being single in a town full of men is a lot harder than most people would realize. Before I get into all that, let me tell you about last night.

I went out with a group of friends last night, to a place I’ve been to regularly over the last year. Two men walked in, and my friend asked me what I thought about them. I rolled my eyes because anyone who knows me will tell you that it doesn’t matter what someone looks like. I know that’s said over and over, but a man could be a perfect “10” and open his mouth and he drops 30 digits. Ignorance and entitlement are two personality traits that I simply can’t find attractive.

However, back to the night at hand. One of the two men that had walked in brought it upon himself to come over to me, grind his hard on against my ass and tell me how much he wanted to play with my tits. This was his introduction to me that I was supposed to find flattering. He pulls me away from the table. After about three minutes of one song, I’d had enough of the gentleman’s company and went outside. In those three minutes, he verbally left no part of my anatomy untouched and described his at length. Ladies please tell me that I’m not the only female in the world who finds vulgarity unattractive? Since when did that become the norm?

This isn’t the first time I’ve run into this. It’s actually a regular occurrence. I will meet a man, who strikes my interest, and the conversation turns from getting to know you, to sex. I’m certain that I feed into this, sex is one of my favorite things, whether its physical, mental, or conversational. However, there’s more to me than a one dimensional topic. It frustrates me, and makes me rapidly lose interest in whoever I happen to be talking to at the moment. If talking about sex isn’t foreplay for the physical aspect… what’s the point? If I wanted to be frustrated and alone I’d stay single.

It’s taken me almost a decade to truly step back into the dating world. I had a few serious relationships in that time period, but they didn’t work out for whatever reason. Some of it was because I pursued safe men. Ones that would never challenge me, or have the ability to lay waste to my heart like a nuclear explosion. For a long time it was perfectly fine by me if I never dated another man in my life. Perhaps it’s because I’m older now, or removed enough from the situation, but now I am ready to try.

Too bad I finally became ready in a world where there was no time to get to know the other person. Apparently the new rules are fuck or be fucked without any resemblance of intimacy.

Do they have mail order husbands?

The Literary Goddess


What are these green things?

10 May

I remember a time when it thrilled me to no end, that my children ate vegetables and would actually ask for more. Then I discovered that I could write novels. Fast forward three years, two point five books, later and this is a conversation I had with my child.

Child: Mom, there’s something in this, its green.

Mom: I put green beans in it.

Child: I think its mold.

Mom: It’s not mold its green beans.

Child: I tasted it, its mold.

Mom: How would you know what mold tasted like?

Child: Are your really asking that? No offense but you aren’t the greatest cook in the world.

Mom: I would never make you mold.

Child: God has that part taken care of. What are these green things again?


Child: They need salt.

There really are no words to discuss how sad this makes me that my teenage child had no idea what green beans were.  Or that my food has taught her what mold taste like. I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow and buying nothing but vegetables!!

And coffee

Oh and well I need starbucks doubleshots

Oh and stuff for the kids to eat… oh wait I’m getting vegetables.

Shopping list:




Single Parent Diary – Absolute Authority

2 May

The greatest thing about being a single parent is the absolute authority. There is no one to share the decision making with. There is no one to offer their opinions of how something should, or should not be accomplished.

No… instead I have four. Four unique and willful minds that ultimately feel they have an equal say in everything around them. There is the older, more responsible one, who truly believes that it is perfectly acceptable to wear clothes that add ten years to her age.

Ah, then there is the older middle child. Now this one usually has wonderful insight on how she should be raised. What type of toys should be purchased, what type of food is healthy or unhealthy. Even what type of music is best for the growing mind of a child. I really should to listen to this one occasionally.

The greatest advice though, usually comes from my oldest son. He has taught me so many lessons in life. I don’t know how I survived so far without them. His gems of wayward opinions usually range from which video games are better than others. He also offers insightful wisdom on which delivery place can reach our house faster.  Of course, this is the same child who stole from his mother’s wallet to give to charity. He also called every single person on my caller id list, to tell them I was in the shower. I probably shouldn’t listen to him as much.

I believe the child I listen to the least is that of my youngest son. The baby of my family. Although, to be fair, I don’t think I accept his thoughts of equality because he doesn’t actually believe he has an equal standing with that of his mother. No, not at all. This young willful child believes he’s superior to that of his lowly mother and siblings. He rules supreme in his universe.

Sometimes I often wish I had a two parent household. Lets go beyond the obvious reasons of having a second income, someone to help pay for the damages, someone else to drive all over gods creation for this or that, someone to hold the child’s head while I clean up the remnants of dinner, someone to actually raise there hand and vote with me when I’m more right than the four united little minds.

Someone to remind me that I’m in charge. I’m the boss. I’m the rule making decision maker.

Now that I’m finished dreaming I think I’ll have a cup of coffee.