Way Too TMI…

15 Feb

Yes I’m aware that my subject has too in it twice. I wanted to be particularly sure that you were aware this blog was going to be far more information than you ever wanted to know about me. Let me start off by saying that I tried a Soft Cup, which is an alternative to the age old, tried and true, sanitary napkins or tampons. It looks something like this:

It reminded me of a condom that had a weird pink bracelet around it. 12 hour protection and no leaking? Just the thought of not having to have a panic attack at work or run to the rest room every five minutes to check and make sure my clothes are good was enough to make me want to try something new.

Here is what I learned… It actually does just that. Goes in easy and you don’t feel it. Twelve hours later not a leak in sight. Awesome! I’m so excited, i may be in love with this product.
Then I try to take it out. Are you fucking kidding me? Who the hell can reach behind their own pubic bone? Not I who has hands the size of a young child. Panic starts to set in, my mind is literally starting to plan my demise due to toxic shock or humiliation. My boyfriend offered to go in and fish it out… I have no words for how horrible that idea sounded.

I’m ready to do just about anything. It’s been 24 hours and I want to cry. There is a foreign object inside me and it won’t come out. I scoured the Internet, I cannot be the only woman who ever experienced this issue.

Turns out, I’m not. I read their words like that of a starving soul. Bear down? Pretend to have a bowel movement? Shit, I have had four kids. I can do that. Or not, you know because when your tense, everything is tense… Everything.

I’m starting to picture an ER visit. Thoughts of going insane because I tried something new started to become rampant.

Then an amazing thing happend. I had to go to the bathroom. It’s been 28 hours since soft cup insertion. I didn’t have to pretend anything that time, checked the status, felt the rubber gel bracelet thing and almost wept with joy. I got that fucking thing out of me!

Take that stupid new product. I’m team tampon for life.

Yes, I know I’m an idiot.

Xoxox

Kristy Bock

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