Archive | April, 2015

Single friends… anyone? Please? Save me.

24 Apr

So I went trolling on POF tonight. I was bored and had the apparent desire to do the equivalent of bashing my head against a brick wall. I like to think I’m a fairly entertaining person. People are usually laughing at me anyway, so may as well have some fun with engaging others in conversation. Tonight I saw that someone had messaged me a few times. I’d never responded because he just didn’t look my type at all. For some reason tall white and nerdy just doesn’t ring my bell. Below I’ll share a snapshot of our conversation. I should have just ignored my inner voice that tells me I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

So please, save me from myself. One of you out there has to have a single friend, who doesn’t suck at life, that you can send me on a date with. I now need someone else to pick for me, because apparently… I simply do not have the talent of finding an acceptable man for myself.

Behold: Kristy Trolling on POF

THE COVER NEVER LIES PEOPLE.

busty
scorpiomale
I’m doing good. What are you looking for?
Kristy
lol right this moment? Sanity and sleep, but since neither seem to be forthcoming, I guess I’ll answer in the generalized statement. Being single is boring, dating is ridiculous, and I’m tired of trying to figure out who to take when I get a +1 invitation for an event or function. So basically what I’m looking for is someone to enjoy life with.

scorpiomale
Cool. I’m looking for friends or more. I’d like to find a good honest faithful woman for a possible long term relationship
Kristy
Well, good luck with that. I’m pretty sure everyone strives to be good honest and faithful. So you shouldn’t have too much trouble in that aspect.

scorpiomale
Faithful seems to be hard to find. Ever been married? Kids?

Kristy
No. Yes… in that order.

scorpiomale
Cool. I never been marrieds and no kids. I love kids though 🙂

Kristy
Kids are something else. They are spontaneous and explosive all in the same second.

scorpiomale
Yeah that is true lol
I must admit that I do have a thing for busty women

KristyB
So does every other man in the world, it’s a fairly universal trait.

scorpiomale
I didn’t used to like them big, but now I do.

🙂

You Busy?

If you don’t mind me asking, what size are they?

(this is where I ended the conversation, deleted, and blocked him.)

I just can’t make this shit up.

xoxo

Kristy

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@*#% Or Get Off The Pot

16 Apr

You know what frustrates me? Meeting men who actually sound human. They are smart, funny, good looking, employed, have a vehicle, and know where their kids are. These men that seem to have their acts together are elusive little fuckers. Over the course of my online dating experiences, I’ve met a few of these mystical creatures. But then, the most amazing thing happens. They turn into a new thing entirely. They are the caterpillar of men. They cocoon themselves in texts and infrequent phone calls, and transform into a man far too busy to date. Their time is eaten up by mysterious things that probably stand for: M.A.R.R.I.E.D, E.N.G.A.G.E.D, or otherwise completely UNAVAILABLE… sorry got tired of trying to be amusing with my periods. catepilar

I met one man who lives in Cape Carteret, and another on the Outerbanks. Both seem like decent men that I appear to have a great deal in common with. Both are elusive and problematic for having a face to face greeting. It really is sad that people seem to prefer living their lives in the cyber world. To what end? One I’ve been talking to off and on for like six months. The other is fairly new in my realm of dating.

So let me do a quick recap for those new to my blog: I suck at dating.

I haven’t been on a date in weeks. Sex? I barely even remember what that is. My prospects of actually getting married one day seem to dwindle by the wayside with each day that passes. Biological clock? Bitches I have a Matrimonial Timex that will blow yours out of the water.

In other news, I read a kick ass book. Google Brooklyn Ann. She is a kick ass writer. (Also she writes back when you write to her at 3 am.)

Tonight I’m going to lose more sleep and read her third book in a series about vampires. It’s historical, which usually isn’t my cup of tea… but seriously its fantastic and worth it.