The Power of Shame

20 Jun

peanutsSo, I’m not the most compassionate human in history. The thoughts in my head would leave me ostracized and possibly hunted with torches and pitchforks. I’m annoyed today, so therefore my thoughts are a little on the harsh side. I’d really like to march up to the person that I’m annoyed at and tell them how rude they are. I hate rudeness, there is never a call or a reason for it. Have common courtesy in life or don’t socialize. Its just that simple to me. But instead I will secretly tell them in my head that their ugliness is not welcome in my world.

Except a part of me has this need to fix things. If I think I have wronged someone in some way, I have this deep need to fix it. The expectation of my life is that if someone has done the same to me, THEY should feel that way too. This is where my crazy gets really interesting, not only do I hold people to my standards, I expect them to hold themselves there too. This is why I spend Friday nights alone. Or because most of my friends work weird hours like I do. One of the two. Ugh, I’m driving my own self crazy today. All because one person didn’t have the decency to hold to my standards.

So what have I learned from this?

1. I truly am the bigger asshole because I judge others by standards they don’t even have.

2. My perception of reality is skewed.

3. If I don’t start opening my mouth when something happens, that I perceive as rude, I’m going to drive myself crazy.

4. I need a stronger backbone.

5. I really like making numbered lists.

Today I went back to the dating website and responded to a few of the people that only sent me an email because my boobs look hot in that picture. I thought about updating the picture and removing it, but then thought eh, if nothing else, the attention is like a bandaid for my boredom. I’m going to go on ten first dates, and blog about each one.

Life amuses me greatly.

xoxo

Kristy

 

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