Epic Dating Fail Volume 2

23 Aug

dating2So, it’s four am. My sleep cycle is so completely out of control that I may never sleep a full 8 hours again in my life.  So, since its officially Pay Day Friday, I have already paid bills, watched my money disappear one transaction at a time, and contemplated donating a kidney on the black market… the only problem with that is I don’t actually know anything about kidney extraction or the telephone number to someone connected with the elusive black market.

I got a message from someone on POF, a dating website. This message is as follows:

hey bby grl, got bg bk ck for you. com ride dis pole.

I can’t make this shit up folks. This is the new pick up line. Back in the day someone at least bought me a drink before telling me about their anatomy or which orifice they’d like to be in. So this is a shining example of why I’m going to be single for the rest of my natural life. In my head, it’s disrespectful to talk to someone that way, if you don’t know them well enough to be sure they’d be okay with it. Frankly, there’s nothing attractive about that to me. What the hell ever happened to hello?

I don’t think I’m cut out for dating in this desensitized age. I like kindness, and sincerity. I want someone to respect me enough to not assume that just because I like sex, that’s all I’m good for. The honest truth is, I have a telephone number to scratch an itch. What I want is someone to be human enough to make a connection beyond two minutes of bump and grinding.

When I date someone, i’m a pretty damn decent girlfriend. I’m supportive, giving, affectionate. I like football, will travel around to car shows even though its 8000 degrees outside and know i’m going to get sun burnt to hell and back, simply because I want to spend time with the person I’m dating.

Am I a prude? Is it a cultural thing? Am I too old to date? Seriously, someone clue me in on why we are so disillusioned as a society that the entire courtship process has turned to sex. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against sex, I just think that if I actually want to spend time with someone to date them… I want to know more than their cock size, or how good they think they are with it.

Just to show you, I am an absolute ass when it comes to all things dating, I even took the time to reply.

Hello… I can tell by you’re brief message that we’re not looking for the same things. I wish you the best of luck.

His reply:

way 2 jug

… This is me giving up on common sense and decency for one night. Next time I’ll just say fuck off. I imagine that will be more acceptable.

Good morning – it’s 5 am, do you know where your cock is? Apparently it’s doing all your thinking on dating websites.

xoxo – KDB

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3 Responses to “Epic Dating Fail Volume 2”

  1. elleclouse August 23, 2013 at 7:17 pm #

    Well, who wouldn’t want bg bk ck. <– sarcasm. Is there a report abuse option, I'd have used that one. There are good men out there, some on the internet too. You just have to be patient and weed out the trolls.

    • Kristy August 23, 2013 at 7:20 pm #

      Lol I know just what you mean, and its not really abuse, just rude

  2. Kay August 30, 2013 at 11:40 am #

    Oh wow he sounds super ur mr right is on his way

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